seriously, i don’t even know what to do anymore. rapid cycling like a motherfucker. i just wanna curl up into a turtle shell and cry but at the same time run around and yell and dance and be angry and tear shit up but while doing that, i’d want to be curled up in a protective barrier, like a porcupine or something. it’s really quite awful. i feel like i’m stuck in a washing machine and i hate it.
So at one point someone suggested we start a list of words used to describe genitals. After a particularly great Twilight fic was submitted, I decided to start that list, and Im providing what the phrase is describing. It will be updated as more words and phrases are found.
How to tell the difference between different genres of metal
POWER METAL:The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL:The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
HEAVY METAL:The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
FOLK METAL:The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
VIKING METAL:The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL:The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL:The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
GORE METAL:The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
DOOM METAL:The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
PROGRESSIVE METAL:The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
GLAM METAL:The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
NU METAL:The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer? 2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why: 3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed: 4: Something that never fails to make you horny: 5: Where is one place you would never have sex: 6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ______________ 7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny: 8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]: 9: What is the fastest way to make you horny: 10: Top or bottom? 11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in] 12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary? 13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find: 14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you: 15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex: 16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you: 17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] 18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom: 19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had? 20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience: 21: How big is too big: 22: One sexual thing you would never do: 23: Biggest turn on: 24: Three spots that drive you insane: 25: Worst possible time to get horny: 26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans: 27: Worst sexual idea you ever had: 28: How much fapping is too much fapping: 29: Best sexual complement you ever got: 30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji: 31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut: 32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fuckin” 33: What your favorite part of your body: 34: Favorite foreplay activities: 35: Love, or lust? 36: What do you wear to bed? 37: When was the first time you masturbated: 38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? 39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? 40: Have/would you ever have sex outside? 41: Have/would you ever had a threesome? 42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? 43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school? 44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane? 45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to? 46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny? 47: Most attractive celebrity? 48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not? 49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now? 50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online? 51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny? 52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?) 53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not) 54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? 55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? 56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? 57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see? 58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?) 59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day? 60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery? 61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? 62: Do you watch porn? 63: How small is too small? 64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? 65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything? 66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day? 67: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? 68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? 69: If you could give yourself head, would you? 70: Booty or Boobs? 71: If you had a penis, what would you name it? 72: Have you ever been on an official date? 73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) 74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be? 75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?) 76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed? 77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina 78: If you had a penis for a day, what are five things you would do?